Book Summary Essay

The ask got I chose to read was When I put No, I Feel Guilty by Manuel J. Smith. The first thing to stand out to me in this book was it seemed a little outdated. Even though the writing style and the examples appe atomic number 18d to be from a different era, I was still able to see how different points were relevant today and to me personally. This title screamed my name when I was shop the list of choices because no matter what I am saying no to, I always come up guilty. From the first moment that we can feel and translate emotions, we have been manipulated by differents.We have gr admit up under the sense that we should feel certain ways about particular actions. We forget to a chore when we be young, we should feel guilty. We bring a bad grade home on out study card, we should be scared of getting in trouble. Many activities are labeled either good or bad and we should portray emotions to match. As a manager, you should try to accommodate commands or descriptions neutr al. A neutral statement is one that doesnt assign the label of good or bad to a behavior so the recipient will non feel manipulated.Everyday, people try to manipulate you into doing what they want by making you feel nervous, uninformed, or blameworthy. If you let them push you around you will feel frustrated, angry or depressed. When you lease others to control your actions, you renounce your sense of personal accountability. Smith states that the first step in fixing the moorage is to know that no one can manipulate your emotions or behavior if you dont surrender it to happen. Also, following the Bill of Assertive Rights will help lead to non-manipulative relationships in all situations.The beneficials are the rump for all healthy relationships and are listed as You have the mighty to judge your own behavior, thoughts and emotions, and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon yourself. You have the right to offer no reasons or excuses for justi fying your behavior. You have the right to judge if you are responsible for finding solutions to other peoples problems. You have the right to change your mind. You have the right to make mistakes and be responsible for them. You have the right to say, I dont know.You have the right to be independent of the goodwill of others before coping with them. You have the right to be broken in making decisions. You have the right to say, I dont understand. You have the right to say, I dont care. The first right is the foundation of all of the remaining rights. When you plump your own judge, you help to build a barrier against manipulation. Judgements should be based on your values and not external systems of what is right or wrong. People base their manipulative actions on the belief that you should live up to their rules.If you are accepting of this situation, you feed yourself up to a limitless variety of manipulation. Criticism is a putting green tool people use to get someone to beh ave according to their standards. Reactions to criticism can be negative with anxiety, denial, and defensiveness. Learning to take criticism in a constructive manner helps to avoid manipulation. verbal coping methods to help accept criticism effectively are fogging, negative self-reliance, and negative inquiry. Fogging is when you only go for to the truths in a statement and respond to what someone has specifically stated rather than what is implied.A negative assertion is statement that takes responsibility for something you have done wrong. It takes courage to make a negative assertion and say, Im sorry. Last, using negative inquiry encourages the critic to reply assertively instead of manipulatively. This tactical maneuver is typically used to ask for additional information about a critique. There are also different types of relationships that fall into three categories, commercial, authority, and equality. Basic verbal skills used to minimize manipulation do not change as p roblems are handled throughout these different relationships.Commercial relationships are clearly defined with a contract. Since this type of relationship follows a defined structure an assertive verbal skill works close effectively. In an authority relationship there is one person in charge while the other is not. Authority based relationships emphasize finding compromises that grow on existing interpersonal dynamic. Both parties are equal in an equality relationship. This relationship is the most informal and tends to have everything open for discussion. Thoughtful open communication reassures people that you will not hinder their decision making, even if you may disagree.The main archetype I took away from this book is, its my life and what happens in it is completely up to me I will not cower when I face manipulation. My reactions to particular situations can pave the way for a casualty or a triumph. We must always be in touch with reality to promote our own well-being and ha ppiness. We also have to accept the possibility that changing our mind is completely normal and healthy. memory the Assertive Bill of Rights in mind will help to stand up against manipulation and keep our dignity, self-respect, and control over our own behavior.